Wednesday, April 11, 2012

THANK YOU!

So, it’s all over. It’s been a challenging but beautiful 27-month ride indeed. I have had trouble writing here for various reasons. Sometimes I find myself completely exhausted, and I find it near impossible to put those feelings into writing. But after two years of staying in rural Zambia, the strongest feeling I have is that of gratitude. I have complete gratefulness to this beautiful country and its citizens and complete gratefulness to my own country and its citizens- for everyone’s support both within Zambia and from America.

Of course I have faced many challenges. That’s one of the main reasons I decided to join Peace Corps, to challenge myself in ways that weren’t imaginable. Well, challenges there were. Amongst them being homesickness lasting for weeks- homesickness that made my insides twist and my soul drip with longing for family, friends, and home cooking; indescribable homesickness where I would feel physically nauseous. No one could help relieve it, not even Miss Bear, my childhood stuffed animal that I would squeeze in desperation for some sort of familiar feeling. There was the challenge of feeling completely drained, both physically and emotionally. At times, I felt like there was no way I would physically be able to walk another step in the scorching heat knowing that, even with 70 proof sunscreen, I would burn to blisters. At times, I felt like there was no way I could handle another child begging, “Naumvwa nzala,” (I’m hungry) at my doorstep, because these are children I love and cherish and teach, and I just wanted to feed them the same, nutritious meals that I was craving from home. There were times when I just wanted to scream because I had been waiting for a hitch for hours, and I miss driving, and I didn’t want to get on another canter truck and burn some more, and wait 4 more hours for another ride just to go another 20k to do the same thing over again. I wanted to scream when someone wasn’t understanding my Kikaaonde because my Northeast, American accent is just too rigid and not fluid, and I just wanted to speak English fast and get my point across, but I couldn’t, so there I was, stuck, dumbfounded, griping about what to do next. Another challenge faced and thus far conquered, were illnesses that I have encountered here in Zambia- malaria twice: where I just wanted a comfy couch, iced water and family by my side, appendicitis: where I had to fly on a plane with extreme abdominal pain without knowing where I was going or what I was doing or what was wrong with me, the infamous spider embedded just under my right eyebrow: laying her eggs comfortably only to form a boil above my eye, and many other bouts of parasital infections: where I had to run to my pit latrine and hope that no one was around to watch me barf up the nshima dinner I had just ate with my host family. Yes, there were challenges. But, I say “thank you” to these challenges. Thank you for presenting me with daily obstacles, for granting me the experience of challenges to help me grow and become stronger and help me feel appreciative of the life I lead and the loving people that surround me. Because even though I faced challenges, I feel like a more fulfilled person because of them. I feel like I can take on the world and feel confidant in myself because of the challenges this experience has presented me.

That being said, first, I could never have overcome those challenges without the support of Zambians. Once again, I feel so grateful to have been placed in such a wonderful, beautiful, peaceful country; a country whose people are appreciative of Peace Corps work; a village with many hard-working women and farmers and future business leaders; a school whose staff taught me more about patience and humor than I have ever known; a host family who provided me with nothing but laughter, hugs, appreciation, and motivation to keep working and keep teaching. Thank you to my neighborhood children who are striving to learn and read and who always could strike a smile on my face. Thank you to Kabuchimba Women’s Group, whose aspirations to make their community a better place to live are seen in their old, wise wrinkles and durable hands. You have instilled in me the gift of hope for the future, the most valuable remembrance of them all. You all hold a special place in my heart, a place where I can go to when I miss Zambia; when I miss the youthful countenances of Esther, Judy, Vera and Stanley; when I miss the bellowing, welcome greetings from various farmers along my path home; when I miss the deep, overwhelming sunsets and engulfing sounds of Mutanda falls; when I miss Ba Maama’s joyous, gap-toothed smile and the way her eyes light up when she sees me reading to her grandchildren. Never have I felt threatened in any way in Zambia. I have been picked up on hitches and welcomed into homes freely and safely numerous times. Thank you to Zambians for being curious and happy and enthusiastic. Stay united and proud and free. I love you and thank you for hosting me in your blissful country.

Along with graciousness for wonderful Zambians, I am also more than thankful for support from home. I also could not have faced these challenges without you. Thank you, Americans. Thank you for putting your faith in Peace Corps Volunteers to represent America well. Thank you for paying your taxes, which has granted me an experience that could never be replaced. You have provided me with self-growth, independence and an inner peace that I had yet to experience before my Peace Corps service in Zambia, a sense of gratitude to give a little more than I take. You provided my community with a representation of America; me, someone who most can now call their friend, teacher, tutor and sister. A special thanks to my family and friends, for endless packages with pieces of home and letters, for facebook status responses, for weekly phone calls, and for updating me about America and the events that continue to happen while I’m not there; a weird, egotistical realization I had to come to terms with since being here. What I miss most about America is you. This life-changing experience, as cliché as that sounds, would not have been made possible without your support of Peace Corps, an organization I will continue to cherish and support because of its grassroots, people-to-people exchange of culture and knowledge. Hopefully, in turn, I will provide America with a new perspective on life in a developing country, and hopefully I am better prepared for the workforce of America, making our country a little better as well.

And last but definitely not least, thank you to the Peace Corps support system. To my closest Peace Corps friends, we went through the challenges together. Although we were living villages apart, we were all a part of this challenging yet rewarding experience together; experiencing each other’s successes and “dark places” and supporting each other through all of it. I have made the best of friends here. You all are creative, motivated, and intelligent, and you, just like Zambia, have challenged every piece of me. I appreciate that more than you may ever know. Saying goodbye to you will be just, if not harder, then saying goodbye to my host family, village and Zambia. Thank you for being there for me. We have a lifelong connection that I will never forget and always treasure.

ZAMBIA, I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. AMERICA, SEE YOU IN THREE WEEKS :)